KofiOverDosed

when Death and Religions collide...

A nominal believer like me doesn't care too much on who's got the better religion, who's going to heaven or hell, etc... Okay, so maybe I don't believe in purgatory,much to my mother's dismay.LOL

I've always believed that this 'form' of practice allows me to be open-minded, considerate and respectful of other's religions and belief. It's really not the religion,,  but the faith that each one has to the same God... Just remove all these rules of men, and you'll understand...

I have friends belonging to different denominations, even attended some services, and admittedly, helped me strengthen my belief...I think if one is secure with his/her belief, then it wouldn't hurt to be open with other's and be considerate, not necessarily converting and such.

I've relatives even with different religions, and yet, there always has been the mutual respect we have for each other, so there never came a time [at least since I started to understand such things] when religion was a cause of any misunderstanding in the family.

So imagine the 'chaos' this difference made when a family member died and the question of one's ways and beliefs came up... Should we practice what the deceased believed in or that of  his immediate family ? [taking into condieration the fact that the deceased 'failed' to make any mention of how his wake and burial proceedings should go, since it's a sudden death...]

We tried not to involve ourselves with the situation, thinking it wasn't our place to meddle with such. So we, belonging in the younger gen of the family, did not. But became the 'shock absorbers'. Okay, we became the lending ears, the peace-keepers, the buffer. Both sides had their points, which led mostly to misunderstanding. Add to that the 'beliefs' of the elders who wanted to incorporate their own 'pagan' ways, consequently adding more friction in the situtuation. It's not a pretty sight...

Personally, I felt bad that it had come to that. If the deceased could be watching us over now, then maybe he's crying right now, even sorry that his sudden departure will leave such a mess for everyone to endure.

Thankfully, the deceased was laid down to rest. It all went down to humility and compromise...

May uncle finally rest in peace...

KofiOverDosed

First entry! LOL

Nothing much to say...

It's been a great '08.... Having passed the exam, homecomings,  and other happenings-- good, bad,idiotic,...^0^

It's going to be a real challenge, with the training and all. But  I have to do it.

I'll do my best!

The licensure exam is up in a matter of weeks, and my friends are  getting the nerves.

My prayers for them... Know the SECRET...

So then, we will all do our best!

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!

KofiOverDosed

I don't know who she really is. Was told her grandfather is a cousin of my late gramps. so that makes us 2nd or 3rd degree /whatever degree cousins?

niweys, she's been staying, well, more like lazying, at the family house [as my cuz puts it] for almost a month now. I finally got to meet her Christmas eve, when we 'prepared' the fam house for the noche buena-- aka cleaning, cooking and stuff, since it's been a tradition to spend the holidays' eves there...

So back with her, as all of us were slaving ourselves with the prep, she only sat there at the family room, flipping the channels. the volume's all pumped up, it's severely irritating...

Couldn't contain myself, but my other cuz told me to calm down. So I took their advice. About an hour later, nakaramdam din sa wakas, she stood up, went to her room, took a bath, etc. all the while leaving the tv on. Eh?! She then reappeared, told us she's going out.

Eh?!

--end--

wala lang, just some blurbs...

Anyways, happy holidays!

KofiOverDosed

Off from work, thinking of applying for a new one in the metro. I'm doing my pros and cons... For now, I'm bored.

So last night a friend came and 'persuaded' me to watch that movie "Twilight". Now, this good friend of mine had watched the flick since it opened weeks ago, so I never thought that he was serious 'bout watching it the second time, unless it's really that good, or for some, slept through it and never really got the story. For my friend, it's the latter; to me it's a waste of moolah... I was tempted to suggest buying a pirated DVD and watching it at home,, but he was really persistent, as if he was going to pay for my ticket. But since I was being a good host, and he really waited for me after work, I gave in. Besides, most of the people I work with in the hospital, yeah, even some consultants, were gushing about it--well, about the two characters really, so I thought, why not? Might as well see what the hype is all about...

We caught the last full show, and yup, I paid for my ticket.(but my dinner was free, ) Well, what's there to say?  My friend told me that from the book, Bella's supposed to be this ordinary girl, went to a new school and became somewhat popular, met this vampire, etc. From the movie, I saw a Bella who's boring, aggressive and obsessed with the vampire guy. For the Edward character, a movie reviewer would call it, "angsty", but to my friend and I,  he's a bipolar-- with all those mood swings, heck, he needs some therapy. The acting, honestly, parang pilit... I was curious with the "quotable quotes" my friends have been yakking about from the movie, and I definitely think it's good for those romantically-inclined, but for a cynic like me, it's all too cheesy. I didn't hear any "awws" or any kilig remarks from the audience, so does that mean they haven't felt it...Or di lang nila na-gets? or maybe just like me, I found it... unnecessary? . It's not  that I hated the movie, to me, it's just okay.

Oh well, that's just me being... cynic.

KofiOverDosed

to continue with my "emo" moments during clerkship:

******

April 25,2006

" Naboljak na naman si ate kanina. Forgot to monitor her patient before Dr. ___ made his rounds. Ayun, di makasagot, nabigyan tuloy ng reading assignment; from duty kasi eh, but of course sasabihin lang nila it's not a reason.  Might as well read na rin, for sure iisa-isahin din lang kami nyan bukas.

Di natuloy case pres ko kanina, may toxic na patient sa PICU, cancelled na daw.Whaat?! After all those sleepless nights and skipping my meals para lang matapos on time, cancelled?! Pambihira naman. Okay, on the bright side, nakaiwas ng pamboboljak from the consultants... But still... Pinaghirapan ko un,huhuhu... kinulit ko pa yung nanay ng patient para lang makumpleto ko yung history... Hay...

5 more days and we're out of the ward, sa ER na next. .."

May 5, 2006

" From duty... Managed to clean our quarters today. at least it's starting to look like a room. Just  have to bring our own sleeping "paraphernalia" and we're good. Damot ng nasa laundry, ayaw magpahiram ng bedsheets. Ah, the life of clerks...We pay for our tuition fee, we do the dirty jobs which we aren't supposed to do, but because we'd rather learn and see our patients live, we do it anyway, with no pay... Oh well, it's the life we've chosen... "

*******

Back then, medical students/clerks, interns and residents followed an every-three days duty sched, meaning a 36 hours - duty and 10-12 hours regular day. Hence, we were most of the time, tired. However, since medical clerks are, students per se, they stiil have responsibilities witht the univeristy and not just the hospital. This is done by case presentations everyday and discussions during the endorsement rounds. It's a mortal sin to not have seen the patients before the endorsement, to have an incomplete history and progress notes. Otherwise, corresponding demerits are given.

Ngayon, 24- hour duty na lang talaga for both interns and clerks, para daw mas effective silang mag-work; and from what I've observed, less strict na sa pag-monitor ng paperworks nila. Sad to say, kahit na nabawasan na yung load nila,  reluctant to learn pa rin ang ibang students, it's like they are taking their rotation for granted,  Pero meron pa rin naman yung mga efficient and enthutiastic students, so at least may justice pa rin dun sa bagong implementation from APMC. Hindi sayang kahit papano...

*******

Michael Crichton: "The hospital claims tp provide an excellent learning enivronment, while systematically depriving it's students of sleep. ..." (Trulala)

                               "Most medical students are tired. At any given moment, a lecture to a medical student is a signal to click off, to tune out, or to go to sleep. Partly, this is a learned response." (LOL, this is so true! Demerit aabutin mo pag nahuli kang natutulog sa conference.)

                               " the only way to beat dozing off is to ask questions. Supposedly, this makes the learning experience more active, less passive, but...teaching by asking qustions is extraordinarily difficult. The ideal set of questions is graded, going from fact to fact, leading the student from infromation he knows to the reasoning out of information he does not know. On the other hand, the usual unplanned set of questions just draws a blank look and a guess. The best teachers can employ it to great effect; most teachers are hopeless at it." ( I guess some things never change...)

KofiOverDosed

I’m not a faithful writer, especially when it comes to keeping a journal or a diary. I browsed over a journal I kept 2 years ago that served as an outlet during medical clerkship. I discovered I’ve written entries for only three months, in a weekly basis. LOL

Anyways, It contained mostly of the initial shock being in the hospital, of encounters with “dragon” consultants and residents; inconsiderate medical staff and aides; the worst of fellow medical students; the horror and pain of watching a dying patient; the conflicting emotions when dealing with demanding patients; embarrassing moments, toxic, sleepless duties; unfriendly and impersonal environment and expensive foods and drinks in the canteen,LOL.

Yes, it was a shock-absorber for all the negativities I have experienced at that time, at least for the first three months. I think it wasn’t just me, I have a friend who kept a journal which actually contained the “Phrases” ( that's his title--planning to publish it sometime in the fufure)he had heard for the whole rotation, either hurled at him or to his groupmates. Somehow, we came up with ways to "detoxify" ourselves of the experience.

 In such a phase or thread of becoming a medical doctor, medical clerkship is the time when a student finally spends his whole year in the hospital, before graduation; to meet the demands of both the university and the hospital, while being treated as the lowest form of “animal”. It would be described by some as “hell”, cruel, unforgiving… But that depends on the student’s attitude towards the the situation.

Let me share some of the aspects I’ve observed and experienced as a fourth year medical student rotating in a hospital, as written in my long “debunked” journal.

___****____

April, 2006: First code, First Death

"We were oriented of the different codes in the hospital and what each means, but one thing is to be remembered: respond!

I have to admit, I was unsure of what to do when my group mates and I ran to the ER when a code was summoned. True, we theoretically knew of the BLS and ACLS, had a return demo with a dummy, but it was indeed different when it’s the real thing! Call us wimps, but we were actually glad to see that other medical clerks reached the ER ahead of us, thus they were on the front of CPR, together with the residents and other medical staff.

The patient was a fifty-year old male. Earlier, he complained of sudden splitting headache then collapsed. By the time he was rushed to the ER, there was no respiration, BP and cardiac tones were faint; his pupils were constricted. After a quick history taking and examination, the initial impression was hemorrhagic stroke. I will not bore you with the rest.

I observed the teamwork among the medical staff--doctors, nurse, RT, and yeah-- even the manongs. The doctors were calm and focused, while the nurses were efficient in carrying out the orders without missing any. Suddenly I wanted to be involved, but seeing there were too many of us already crowding the ER, the rest of us merely watched and waited for any progress or response from the patient.

The patient’s relatives were asked to stay outside the ER; they sat at the bench, praying and hoping for a response as well.

Unfortunately, despite being aggressive with the resuscitation, he cannot be revived. The senior resident had to break the news with the family, with a heavy heart. I just can imagine the reluctance he felt to tell them that their father is dead, and the grief the family must have felt, hearing of their loss. There were sobbing and curses, of grief. We could only give a silent of prayer, straight-faced. The relatives were allowed a moment with the (dead) patient. Afterwards, post-mortem care was done and was wheeled to the hospital morgue.

That was my first code and first encounter with mortality. I left the ER with a heavy heart. It was all surreal. But I know there’d be more codes, death/ mortalities in the future. The only thing I need to learn is to detach myself from the emotions that could eat me away.How will I stand this?"

___****___

To a spectator not used to a kind of setting , he might expect a kind of “solemnity” at the ER once an incident like this occurs, but he will be surprised to see that everything goes back to normal afterwards.

Patients will still come, be seen and admitted or sent home. The bed where the expired patient lay earlier will be occupied by another, unknowing patient later on.

That's reality. It's something one should get used to. I did. But the sight of a young child dying or is already DOA- that's the hardest to take, until now. When a baby dies because of his disease, say cancer, you would feel for the family. But it's different when a toddler dies because he was "accidentally" pushed in a silting 'drum'(those big drums used in the mines) by the father, because he irresponsibly brought his son along for a drinking spree at night, and got so drunk that he didn't know where he was going or who he was with.  In cases like this, doubts and anger may arise, but to voice it out is "inappropriate"... one learns to subdue his emotions.  Just some of the things that happen in the ER, things one has no control of...

According to George Orwell, “ However great the kindness and the efficacy, in every hospital death, there will be some cruel, squalid detail, something perhaps too small to be told, but leaving terribly painful memories behind, arising out of the haste, the crowding, the impersonality of a place where everyday people are dying among strangers.”

“The Emergency ward is the place where the haste, the crowding and the impersonality are seen in their most exaggerated form… It is the place where one can see most closely the work that the hospital performs, in all its positive and negative aspects; the [ER] is a kind of microcosm for the hospital as a whole.” Michael Crichton further explains.

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TBC